I'm afraid, sometimes, that I may be acting like the first man to ever face the end of a relationship. Twenty-eight years is a very long time but it's not unheard of—just less frequent. I keep telling myself to get over it already...until I weigh those years against the two and a half months I've had to adjust. Weeks, really, since our physical split. So, of course I'm not "over it". Not by a long shot. You accept, but finding the actual path forward is another story. It also requires a level of forgetfulness that's hard for me to conjure up given the visual catalog I've built, the words I've written...and an ability to remember the smallest of details that often borders on cruelty.
The last thing I want to do is turn this blog into a pity party, but I've also never shied away from the truth, or from emotions in general. It's a journal, and I'm not good at pretending. Besides, perhaps this journey will help others, or help me, or both. Your comments and wishes have already accomplished that.
I still use we without realizing it. Or our. They still exist, the we and the our, but they're not the same anymore. It's a fact I need to absorb.
I cleaned the gutters last Sunday, and cut overhanging branches while I was there. Our house (1) is surrounded by maple trees so it's not just leaves that accumulate: seeds and twigs join the party, a mixture that turns into dark mulch with the heat and humidity of summer months. There's no quick fix: it's an afternoon job.
Now, I've never been good with heights. I've been prone to vertigo since I was a kid, and while I've sometimes managed to fight back (usually on shoots, when adrenaline kicks in), it's a reality I've always accepted. Climbing on the roof of our house? Never a pastime of mine. But last Sunday, I felt nothing. I walked around with no concern, even climbed the upper level which I'd always avoided like the plague. I wasn't careless mind you...the vertigo just never showed up. Our minds are such fascinating places.
In the end, this reinvention might go deeper than I thought.
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Last week I mentioned my upcoming Chase And Mercury album. Here’s a glimpse for you.
Later
It's still our house...so that one's legit ;)
