I can't move.
For the first time in my life I'm completely, utterly paralyzed and empty. It's a rut that's been building and has now taken on epic proportions, affecting me not only creatively, but physically and psychologically. My studio feels like a cage where everything has gone dark and silent. Days are both fleeting and never ending. I turn around and a month has gone by - but I have nothing to show for it. I'm like Allison Janney in American Beauty.
This has to stop.
I had a talk with my girlfriend about a month ago. We've been together a long, long time. She knows me more than she should. She basically told me to pack my gear, get in the car and drive. Find whatever, out there somewhere - fill my head again.
She's pretty great.
And that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm heading west 'til I reach the edge of the continent. The Rockies, Vancouver, Tofino, the Pacific. An ocean to kickstart my soul.
I'm taking an old Powerbook along but I won't be doing any real work with it. I'll process everything when I get back.
I know I'm going to miss my family terribly - just thinking about it already fills me with this crazy sense of loss. But hopefully they'll be getting back a better father/husband/person.
So I'm off to seek The Canadians. I'm off to scratch open my eyes on 4000 miles of road, through the glaciers and plains of this Great White North.
Catch you all later.