No Santa this year. No leaving milk and cookies by the fireplace, no carrot stick for his reindeer, hiding and pretending—Héloïse figured it out. I admit it hurts a little, to lose yet another ounce of fairy dust. But it seems the third child is simply more anxious to grow up.
We’re teetering on the edge of 2019 and I never saw it coming. I guess there’s a motif here? Something I should understand? Of course I’m thankful for a great many things this year. I truly am. But there’s a peculiar distance to it all. As if I never gained control and it all happened in spite of myself. As if most days I was sailing to where life was aiming the boat, performing on cue but never grabbing the rudder. I miss the rudder.
This isn't me complaining btw...how could I? I traveled, met tons of amazing people along the way, visited with friends and made new ones. I was given opportunities I could once only dream of. No, I do not own the right to complain. But if these somewhat artificial markers are meant to give us pause and reflect in any way, then perhaps we should. Not through fancy, unattainable resolutions, just with simple vows to ourselves, to better shape what the future may hold. By writing down a few secret words maybe...faded glyphs to trigger our unconscious. There’s power in words, even when they remain unspoken.
Traditionally this is a time for me to step back from the blog. I’ll be doing it again this year but...I feel I need to tie up a bunch of loose ends. The consequence of drifting through the landscape has been orphaned images, way too many stories left untold. So while I’m off drinking egg nog and mulled wine (yeah...not really...I’m more of a whisky guy), this site will actually become busier than it’s been in a long while: I’ve prepared and scheduled twelve stories/essays to carry us into the New Year. That’s one story a day starting tomorrow, up until December 31st. It’ll be somewhat disjointed but I hope it makes up for lost time.
The holidays will bring baking and movies as they always do, time with the kids and family. Moments of joy and yes, moments of mayhem as well. And when all hell breaks loose we’ll wish for it to end. We’ll wish for quiet days, free of arguing and silly sibling rivalries. We’ll long for tranquility and a peaceful home.
But this year we absolutely must stop to realize...that Santa disappeared in a hush, without sadness of fanfare. Another moment passed, gone as if it never was. Our home will be quiet soon enough.
I wish you all the very best of Holidays. Thanks for the feedback and for sticking around.
I’ll see you on the other side :)