It's been a hard week. Monday morning my heart stopped when I heard Jack Layton had passed away. On Wednesday it stopped again when Steve Jobs resigned. The two events may be on entirely different scales, but they still have a similar ring... And I hate the sound of it. On Twitter @ianmcc said "Can't help think of Jack Layton while reading of Steve Jobs stepping down. Can't help it, sorry."
So am I.
Now it's Friday night and I feel like crap. Facing my own mortality/where's my life going crap. The kind of "man, my pictures just totally suck" crap. I think it stems from sheer vertigo, from solid ground slightly moving away and stealing our anchors. From the speed at which life renders everything so tiny, so fast.
Once we were giants...
Yeah. It's one of those moods.
I moved my portfolio to 500px this week. I love the templates and the UI, the price is right and I was tired of messing around with Wordpress for my portfolio site. It's here if you care to check it out. Always a work in progress obviously but now at least it'll be easier to update and maintain. It also forces me to keep the number of pictures at a minimum (self-imposed, the site itself is unlimited) and brings a bit or order to my world. I love chaos and disorder (back there over my shoulder) but they can sometimes mess with objectives. Right now I need objectives.
The studio's reno is coming along but I'm seriously drowning in paint fumes... Can't wait to get things started again but I'm stuck in curing limbo: 14 days before I can use the floor without destroying all the hard work. Joy of joys. Hey, maybe those fumes aren't helping my mood so much ;)
@PaulPridePhoto dug up Zack Arias' famous Transform video not too long ago. It's so damn relevant. I remembered writing about it here in the very beginnings of this blog two years ago and thought I'd go back and read it. Here's the gist of it:
"In case you haven’t guessed, I’m going through a similar phase right now. A rut of sorts. I read American Photo and want to hide under a pillow, sell my gear and grow corn for a living. Am I delusional trying to compete with anyone out there?
A lot of my angst right now has to do with style. No, make that (S)tyle. The kind of (S)tyle that’s supposed to define who you are as a photographer. You know: Magnum/Redux kinda style. Keatley style. Or these guys – sigh. It’s the capital S that signals you’ve crossed over into mythical territory, the land of (V)ision – yeah, the capital V is part of that equation too...
...(S)tyle and (V)ision are fleeting creatures. Maybe you can only comprehend them through the eyes of others. And maybe it’s the quest that’s an end in itself."
When I say these guys I'm talking about Razón. I'm still in awe of their work today, not just their style but their mind-shaking and explosive Relevance. Capital R. Images that aren't simply showing off but an actual record, a testament. Where's my testament?
Then, I think of a family shoot I did last winter. A young family, two girls... And a young dad battling cancer. A few months later his wife called to order a large portrait — he'd passed away. It's something like a testament isn't it? Maybe not one for the history books but still... It matters in a microcosmic sort of way.
I hope I haven't bummed you out with all of this. If you're in Irene's path be safe, please. These are forces way beyond our meagre powers. Everyone else: have a great weekend.
P.S. If you've never seen it, here's Zack's video: